Behind The Curtain

I always bring a 13 year old mean girl with me shopping. She steps into the dressing room with me, flashlight in hand, insult loaded in the gun. She is quick to make a list of all the reasons why I can’t be seen in the white pants, why this dress or that one wasn’t […]

Juiced

I’m in line at a juice bar. And all around me are not the flexing fitness fanatics one might imagine, quizzing the clerks on the probiotic content of the vegan yogurt substitute they are debating spending $40.00 on. Instead, it is the faces of Hollywood shielded by sunglasses, grimacing with pain each time they hear […]

Master of Disguise

I’ve stopped wearing pants. Mostly because I’m afraid to put on my old ones and find out that they don’t fit. I also don’t want to buy new ones and discover the last time I bought pants I was a size 4 and now I’m well… I don’t want to know. So, I’ll wear the […]

Uphill Battle

All of it is a mess. I’m crying again. I’ve gotten nowhere. I’ve wanted and wished and prayed, and then played that sad record on repeat. So here I am in tears, 8 months after realizing I was #justalittlebitfat and the only measurable difference was about 3lbs. 3lbs that may come on or off depending […]

War and Pizza

The neighbor is making pizza. The terrible and fantastic frost-bitten-from-the-back-of-the-freezer kind. Pizza forgotten in the grocery store until some lonely person with a movie to watch and no energy rescues it. The aroma is filling the stairwell and I wonder if I’ll ever eat pizza again. If I’ll ever scorch the top of my mouth […]

Knock Yourself Out

I want to be thin again. So I eat less, drink less, and work out more. This of course leaves me hungry and sober late at night. What do I choose to do? Drink Nyquil. So I knock out, so I no longer feel the hunger pains that are keeping me from resting: a snap […]

“You Got Big”

I didn’t actually know I’d gained weight until someone I really never spoke to broke the awkward silence of an ill-timed smoking break that had captured us standing side by side. “What happened? You stop watching what you eat?” I was confused. “What?” I said, not indignant – just puzzled. “You got big”, he said […]