Master of Disguise

I’ve stopped wearing pants. Mostly because I’m afraid to put on my old ones and find out that they don’t fit. I also don’t want to buy new ones and discover the last time I bought pants I was a size 4 and now I’m well… I don’t want to know. So, I’ll wear the […]

Uphill Battle

All of it is a mess. I’m crying again. I’ve gotten nowhere. I’ve wanted and wished and prayed, and then played that sad record on repeat. So here I am in tears, 8 months after realizing I was #justalittlebitfat and the only measurable difference was about 3lbs. 3lbs that may come on or off depending […]

War and Pizza

The neighbor is making pizza. The terrible and fantastic frost-bitten-from-the-back-of-the-freezer kind. Pizza forgotten in the grocery store until some lonely person with a movie to watch and no energy rescues it. The aroma is filling the stairwell and I wonder if I’ll ever eat pizza again. If I’ll ever scorch the top of my mouth […]

Knock Yourself Out

I want to be thin again. So I eat less, drink less, and work out more. This of course leaves me hungry and sober late at night. What do I choose to do? Drink Nyquil. So I knock out, so I no longer feel the hunger pains that are keeping me from resting: a snap […]

“You Got Big”

I didn’t actually know I’d gained weight until someone I really never spoke to broke the awkward silence of an ill-timed smoking break that had captured us standing side by side. “What happened? You stop watching what you eat?” I was confused. “What?” I said, not indignant – just puzzled. “You got big”, he said […]