Food is Love

So what?… So what–I’m using Christmas as an excuse to do/eat all those things I’d shame myself for otherwise? It’s a holiday/vacation/mental vacation. So what I ate some cheese and drank too much? I also ate mysterious Filipino food prepared by my friend’s family to show that I’m adventurous and appreciative. That’s what this season […]

Strategic Thinking

“I can stop this right now”, that’s what I’m thinking as I dig my spoon into the almond butter in the dead of night. It’s a thought I often have, whether lighting a cigarette, pouring a glass of wine or stopping myself from saying something I might regret. I spend all day writing down the […]

But I Don’t Want To

I’m on the internet again, this time looking for something homeopathic to fix the depression. Yesterday it was the anxiety. I’m scrolling through countless pages of housewife-homemade-holistic-healing remedies instead of doing what I know is really going to help me. Why? because it’s hard. I want to do what Suzy Homemaker tells me will help […]

Burn Out

I’ve been smoking. There are very few things I’ve struggled with like I have with smoking. My first cigarette was a piece of spaghetti, mimicking the people I saw in movies. The next was a discarded butt in my yard…unlit; I collected them in my tiny child’s purse hoping to hide them from my mother. […]

She does what?

“She does what?” I was mystified. “She must be crazy” I remember thinking when someone told me Nicole Kidman, who often stayed in the hotel I worked at, ordered a dozen hard boiled eggs a day and asked that they only bring her the whites. Now I understand she was doing what was necessary for […]

Last Call Cardio

I have to wonder why anyone is at the gym at 2:00am, why am I at the gym at 2:00am? Some divine intervention? Perhaps an accident that I’m not stumbling out of a bar right now but rather I am stumbling on a treadmill. I imagine they’re all recovering alcoholics, avoiding temptation. Or maybe their […]

Cut It Out

It is one thing to be able to identify that which is holding you back, it is an entirely different thing to decide to eliminate those variables…and still another to actually do it. There is a great wave that comes when you conquer one thing: you discover another, and then another, in what can seem […]

You’re Not Doing it Right

Everyone is an expert. Once people hear that you’re trying to lose weight and get in shape– everyone wants to discuss it. They want you to know that they hold the secret to this thing that has mystified the nations and spawned an entire health/fitness industry. And while everyone wants to know what you’re doing-especially […]

Behind The Curtain

I always bring a 13 year old mean girl with me shopping. She steps into the dressing room with me, flashlight in hand, insult loaded in the gun. She is quick to make a list of all the reasons why I can’t be seen in the white pants, why this dress or that one wasn’t […]

Juiced

I’m in line at a juice bar. And all around me are not the flexing fitness fanatics one might imagine, quizzing the clerks on the probiotic content of the vegan yogurt substitute they are debating spending $40.00 on. Instead, it is the faces of Hollywood shielded by sunglasses, grimacing with pain each time they hear […]