Pray the Fat Away

I’m trying to pray the fat away. But it’s more than just some magical practice. Me kneeling, asking the universe to bring me abs. It’s more than just praying that I’ll make it past the chocolate croissant display in the kitchen at my bar job. If that were a solution there would be many more […]

Tell Me What I Want To Hear

I really want you to say, “you look amazing!!” A burst of excitement followed by too many exclamation points! That’s what I’m thinking when I see you for the first time after many torturous runs in the California heat, and the many nights falling asleep with an empty stomach. What I actually do receive is […]

Getaway Car

I can’t take my break in the cafeteria at work anymore. I have to sit in my car. I’d love to grab a plate of meatloaf and gossip with my colleagues, but it seems that my employers are not concerned with our waistlines. I noticed very quickly that spending 30 minutes in a warm room […]

Changes

I know I can change, I’ve seen it. Sometimes the difference is slow like stone becoming smooth over time, some change is apparent in a split second. Decision making. I’ve always done it this way. Today I’m choosing to be different. Every day is an opportunity for me to choose to be better. Every meal, […]

Big Mistake

I’m not sure when I decided I didn’t deserve all the good the world has to offer; when I had made up my mind that I would stay circling around the toilet of life until eventually some disaster took me out entirely. I can’t say exactly when I decided that I deserved to be punished […]

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

My face looks fatter today. That piece of flesh on the top of my thigh is mocking me. I’m studying my flaws in the mirror. I’m never going to reach my goal. I feel like I’m running in place, making the same mistakes over and over. My woe is me attitude is certainly not going […]

Food is Love

So what?… So what–I’m using Christmas as an excuse to do/eat all those things I’d shame myself for otherwise? It’s a holiday/vacation/mental vacation. So what I ate some cheese and drank too much? I also ate mysterious Filipino food prepared by my friend’s family to show that I’m adventurous and appreciative. That’s what this season […]