Tell Me What I Want To Hear

I really want you to say, “you look amazing!!” A burst of excitement followed by too many exclamation points! That’s what I’m thinking when I see you for the first time after many torturous runs in the California heat, and the many nights falling asleep with an empty stomach. What I actually do receive is almost an active avoidance of any improvement I’ve made.
So, I almost become a braggart, or an insecure little kid tugging at the adults’ pant leg,
“Hey, look what I did, c’mon you’re not looking!”
But, no one wants to talk about that thing you’ve spent so many hours accomplishing. Almost as if they’re silently saying, “we’ll talk about it when you finally reach your goal.” As if their silence is a challenge to go further, you don’t get to receive acknowledgement for halfway.
I imagine everyone’s inner dialog speaking in a monotone, agreeing with each other that, really, everyone can do what I’ve done. Maybe it’s not even that. Perhaps it’s that I’m expected to excel. Maybe they see my recent obsession with physical fitness to be an indicator of lower mental frequency. Maybe I haven’t changed at all, and it is completely in my mind.



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